Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Juicing - if there's no vodka involved then what the hell is the point?!

So, I have high blood pressure.  I have had ever since I was pregnant with my daughter who is getting ready to turn 14 in two days (ACK!).  Children do more than just change your life, they change your bodies, usually forever.  Not that I regret it for one minute, mind you.  For years I tried to keep my blood pressure under control with diet and exercise. Not very successfully I might add.  I used to have this fabulous metabolism.  I did not appreciate how amazing it was until it was gone for good.  I had a baby and turned 30 right after- it was like flipping a switch. Gone are the days of eating and drinking whatever I want.  Unfortunately, I still have not completely wrapped my brain around this even after 14 years. See I love food.  I mean, LOVE food.  I try to eat healthy but life gets in the way.  I'm sure most of you know how that is.
Yeah, I would totally marry food.  Anyway, as usual, I digress.  A couple of years ago my doctor put me on BP meds.  I've still tried to keep exercising and eating right but I often feel that I am fighting a losing battle.  Cry me a river right?  Anywho, I have a week before I can get into the doctor so I was researching ways to lower blood pressure naturally.  One of the things I noticed was drinking pomegranate juice.  I work at a fancy office/hotel complex.  It has one of those little stores that sells natural juices in all combinations.  No pomegranate juice but one of the combos was a "magic" weight loss drink. That kind of stuff makes me think of wheat grass and all that other nonsense but I thought, what the hey, let's give it a try.  Can't hurt, right?  WRONG!!  Even when I walked through the door my cells in my body screamed in protest.  All natural, I hate those words.  As if that guarantees its good for you.  You know what else is all natural?  Bella Donna, its an all natural poison for crying out loud! So the drink I got had grapefruit, spinach, pineapple, cucumber, parsley, ginger and cinnamon.  Okay, I like all that stuff. That should be okay.  What I noticed when they were making my drink?  They didn't use just a little parsley.  They used two whole big, honking handfuls handfuls of  parsley.  This was basically parsley juice with a little bit of grapefruit juice thrown in.  It was the most God awful thing I think I've ever tasted.  I wasn't able to drink more than just a couple of ounces and it took me two hours, a bag of cheetos and a large chocolate chip cookie to get that taste out of my mouth!  So much for my diet. But it was completely worth it to get rid of the nastiness.  My taste buds are still reeling from being subjected to such horror!  And for my troubles?  I got the most amazing heartburn within in a few minutes!  Wow, being healthy is so much fun!  NOT!

Do you know who John Pinette is?  If you don't, then I am very sorry for you.  He's a hilarious comedian that sadly, died not too long ago.  He was, shall we say, a tad husky. Here is his take on Juicing.  This is from his hilarious show, I'm Starving.  When ever I need to laugh, I watch the whole thing.  It never fails to have me crying tears of laughter.  I regret not getting a chance to see him live before he passed away.

Juicing is a fad, like so many other fads before it, the evil wheat germ among them.  I'm not saying it doesn't have health benefits.  There are those are fanatical about it.  Good for you if  you like the taste of seriously bitter grass.  I'm just saying it's probably not for me.  I'll have to find another route to living a more healthy lifestyle.  Something that preferably doesn't taste like ass.