It costs nothing to be kind.......or does it?

It costs nothing to be kind. Or so they say.  I disagree.  Some days it can cost a great deal.  Maybe you're having a bad day.  Maybe you spilled your coffee. Which is horrible in two ways, first, you made a mess, second, you no longer have coffee.
The horror.

Or maybe someone cut you off in traffic.  Things like this can make you want to head for the nearest liquor store and start grabbing bottles of the shelf.  Or maybe that's just me.  Whatever the circumstances are, you are in a pisser of a mood and you are dying to take it out on the first unlucky idjit that crosses your path.  I mean, people, what a bunch of bastards.  People can be kind or they can be cruel.  Some days I think it takes a lot more effort to be kind.  Especially when you just aren't feeling it.  No one has been kind to you, why should you bother being kind to anyone else?  Because you need to be.  I work an IT Help Desk.  I've been in Customer Service of one sort or another since my first job at 16 at a local restaurant. I think everyone should have to work some sort of customer service gig in their life so they know how it feels.  When you have someone look you in the face and tell you that you suck, it gives you an appreciation for people who are kind. So be kind. Even though it costs you.  Spread that shit around.  The internet seems to have given license to the darkness in humanity. People can anonymously spread around cruelty that is so audacious, it's breathtaking.

"You can't fix yourself by breaking someone else." ~Unknown

No, you can't.  And even though it may cost you, be kind anyway.  If we all took a minute and tried to live our lives by the Golden Rule, think how much nicer a world this would be.

Don't mean to lecture.  Just trying to spread a little Peace and Harmony into the universe.  Love and Light my friends.

Cruising in a Land Yacht

So, a couple nights ago I had a dream, I don't always remember my dreams, but sometimes I have some doozies that stick with me after I wake up.  For some reason I dreamed of the Chevy Caprice my mom had when I was little.  I dreamed that I saw one somewhere and tried to take a picture with my phone. Now, no matter how hard I tried and no matter what I did, every picture I took turned out fuzzy.  I drove all over the place following this car everywhere trying to get another picture.  Now that I think about it, seems I remember I had the same dream about Nathan Fillion a while back.  I saw him out in public and he agreed to take a selfie with me and no matter how hard I tried, the picture wouldn't come out.  I followed him around repeatedly asking him to take more pictures.  He was kind and gracious every time (he really is ruggedly handsome). I was mortified.  Okay, I'm officially noticing a trend.  I was trying to decide if the car dream had some deep and existential meaning or if it was just, you know, a weird dream.  Now I'm sure that there is some sort of psychosis at work. Apparently I have a not so subtle fear that I totally suck at taking pictures?  Hmmmm......

Don't know what a Chevy Caprice looks like?  By my guess it was somewhere between a 67 and 70 model.  I was born in 70 and I remember mom driving it for years.  I don't have any real pictures of it.  My mom didn't believe in pictures.  I'm not sure if she didn't like the way she looked or if it was the fact that she was so tall and ended up getting her head cut off in most of them.  So, I don't have a lot of pictures of my childhood.  So I found a picture online of the car in question.  The color is right, but the finish on ours was more dull.  Although, the picture really doesn't do it justice to show how big this car was.  Of course, it could be I was a smaller person at the time.  I remember being able to lay down in the back seat and completely stretch out.  You had to pull down the license plate to get to the gas cap and the trunk could have fit more dead bodies than I am comfortable admitting.  I have no memory of when we got rid of it.  I just remember when my mom had her newer car after this one. This one was blue beacon of my childhood and will always hold a special place in my heart.

I love cars, I pride myself on being able to identify most cars by the body style.  Maybe the Blue Bomber was the one that started it all.  Who knows. If I had the funds for the upkeep, I'd own a classic car of some sort.  Technology is nice but these cars totally still rock.  What can I say, I'm an old soul.

So, completely random post but then, I've warned you guys about these.

Holidays Schmolidays

Another Christmas and New Year have come and gone in the blink of an eye.  Well, at least I can be grateful it went by fast and was relatively painless.  You see, Christmas is one of my least favorite times of the year.  (Right after Single's Awareness Day, otherwise known as Valentine's Day)  I know what you are thinking, who hates Christmas?  Well, let's see, there's Scrooge, the Grinch and me! Christmas as a kid is about wonder and magic and presents and as an adult its more about stress and financial ruin.  This year I did not buy a single Christmas present until the weekend before and by then I was in an all out panic to get it all done in time.  Partly because I didn't have funds until then and mostly because I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that it was time for Christmas again.

See, I'll be 100% honest here, the holidays suck worse when your single.  Don't get me wrong, I have plenty of family and friends, but it's not the same.  About 90% of the time, I enjoy my single status, I actually revel in it.  Especially when most of the non-single types are always sharing their relationship woes with me.  I'm all, ha, ha - No one complains to me this or that isn't done.  Well, except my teenage daughter but I can ignore her and it's not a big deal.  That other 10% of the time? Well, I just muddle through the feelings of being lesser because I'm alone.  They don't last long and I know I'm single by choice mostly but it's just harder to keep that in mind during the holidays when every commercial on TV is some happy couple doing something or other.  The Zale's commercials alone make me stabby.  My family came to visit me and it was wonderful having them. I'll admit by the time I bundled them off home I was completely ready for some alone time.

So, back on topic, I much prefer Halloween. It's all about fun and dressing up and for one night you can pretend you are someone else, anyone else.  Heck, you can pretend you're anyTHING else for that matter.  The only thing holding you back is your imagination..  It won't financially ruin you, unless you live in a neighborhood like mine where you have to start buying candy in early September to start storing up. I go through about $100 of candy every year, but it's worth it to see all the kids in their costumes roaming up and down the streets and having the time of their lives.  It's so much fun!!  I look forward to it every year.

The only thing I hate is that every year Halloween stuff starts appearing in stores around the end of August.  I know what you are thinking, why would that make me mad if Halloween is my favorite holiday?  Because, at the end of August, I'm buying back to school supplies and don't have funds for Halloween yet.  By the time, I'm ready to buy Halloween stuff, it's been relegated to one to two shelves in the store to make way for Christmas crap, this happens around the end of September. By the time Halloween rolls around it looks like Santa's Wonderland in every store you go in.  I swear if the stores could get away with putting out Christmas decorations after Fourth of July, they would. Wonder why it is the year seems to go by so fast?  I blame retailers.  One holiday at a time folks and let's keep the decoration selling to the appropriate month!  Christmas is barely over with before you start seeing Valentines Day crap on the shelves.  I am NEVER mentally prepared for all that pink.  I hate a day that tells says you HAVE to be romantic.  That's kind of kills the romance for me.  You shouldn't plan romance.

Anyway, back to the point, if I had one, I'm grateful the Holidays are behind us. Trying to look at this new year as a fresh start with all kinds of exciting possibilities.  I am kind of against resolutions, but I do need to make some goal lists and post them where I can see them.  One of my goals is to WRITE MORE.  So you can expect to hear more from me this year.  Hopefully, that's a good thing.

Adventures in Starvation

Obviously not real starvation.  But it sure felt like it to this food addict. Close enough to make me hope I don't ever have to experience actual starvation.  The worst part was it was all self-inflicted.  I've always been against fad diets.  I know they don't work, or if they do you just end up gaining the weight back after you stop the diet.  Hence the whole "it's a lifestyle change" crap, blah, blah, blah.  When you're 44 and close to 50 pounds overweight and nothing you've tried seems to work, you get a little desperate.  Some of you may be thinking, only 50 pounds, that's not that bad and it's not.  I'm blessed to be about 5'9" so I can carry off a little extra weight without looking that overweight.  I see it in the mirror, but others don't seem to, or maybe they just love me.  The issue is that I already suffer from high blood pressure and Diabetes runs in my family so....I need to do something.  I like to blame my child for stealing my metabolism.  I had it great until I turned 30 and had a child at the same time.  Not that I regret it one bit mind you, I just wish she'd give some of it back. Do you know what it's like to live with someone who can eat whatever they want and have zero percent body fat?  Meanwhile I look at food and gain weight.

The problem?  I love food.  I mean LOVE food.  I think I've mentioned before, if I could marry food, I would.  I don't eat "that" bad, but I think it's probably the quantity that I eat.  It's so very hard for me to leave amazing food behind on my plate.  I don't drink sodas but my other love is beer.  I love beer.  And not watered down light beer, I've been trying different craft beers and they are yummy.  And their made from hops - hops = barley - barley = grain.  Hence, beer is grain and grain is good for you.  Okay not really but it's so darn good!  My other problem.  I want to enjoy my life.  I don't want to be miserable because I'm depriving myself and starving myself.  That's not how I want to live.  That's what my taste buds say anyway.

I knew I needed to try something different to jump start my system.   So I tried the Military Diet or 3 Day Diet.  http://blessedmommy.hubpages.com/hub/Lose-Up-To-10-Pounds-In-3-Days-On-The-3-Day-Diet It claims you can lose up to 10 pounds in 3 days.  Okay, that's completely unhealthy weight loss and I know that. So I was realistic going in.  The idea is you eat only the suggested items for 3 days and then go back to eating "normal" for the other 4.  I know me, if I go back to eating normal for the other 4 days, I'm going to completely gain back any weight I lost in the first 3.  Hell, I can gain it back in one day of binge eating and drinking. I'm allergic to bananas so I was glad this site provided alternatives to many of the foods.  So I chose apricots instead.  I'm also not a big ice-cream person so I went with yogurt instead.  The first day wasn't so bad, I went with iced tea and Splenda because I cannot drink black coffee.  We all laughed at work about my sad little breakfast and lunch, I laughed to keep from crying.  About half way thru the second day I realized I'd already cheated. I missed the part where you are supposed to have caffeine only the FIRST day.  Are you freaking kidding me!??! You want me to go without food AND alcohol AND CAFFEINE?! Hell no! That is so not happening.  I will be EVIL.  I will be Satan incarnate reigning terror down on everyone in my path!  So, I still had iced tea every day in the morning, and then switched to water.  I always only have one coffee and then switch to water so this wasn't hard for me.  By the end of the 2nd day, I was down 2.5 pounds and feeling pretty good.  I do have to add, I do exercise pretty regularly and both cardio and strength training. So yeah, the fact I can't lose any weight is pretty frustrating.

By the 3rd day I was pretty out of it.  I had no idea restricting my caloric intake so drastically would affect my ability to form words.  I would lose my train of thought and just not get it back. I was practically incoherent at times.  I forgot my one slice of cheese that was supposed to be part of my lunch and almost had a full-fledged meltdown. My co-worker shared her weight watcher's cheese stick with me and I practically wept with gratitude.  Never been so happy to nibble on a small piece of low fat cheese in my life. I was as happy as a bird with a french fry.  I kept telling myself, it's the last day, just hang in there!!! Don't give up. You can do this!  That last night I was so hungry, I went a little bit crazy.  Mind you, I'm drinking water like a fish.  But it simply was not staving off the hunger.  FEED ME SEYMOUR! FEED ME!!!!!!!!!  My stomach was sending frantic signals to my brain.  911, I'm losing it down here.  What the hell is going on, get some food down here stat!  I finally broke down and got some apple slices and a hard boiled egg.  If I was going to cheat I wasn't going to blow it completely.  My stomach was appeased for the moment and I was able to make it to the next day.

So, I weighed in the day after the 3rd day and low and behold, I had lost 5 pounds! I was pretty happy, no lie.  Now, to just keep it off and keep going.  My brain told my stomach to chill the hell out and get used to eating less.  Something I learned in those 3 days is that I eat way more than I think I do.  I was almost constantly shoveling food in my mouth.  I would make excuses like,  "Oh its just something small or it's healthy so that makes it okay."  But it was all adding up.  Or I would eat really good most of the day and then come home and eat my entire kitchen for dinner.

So one good thing to come from my adventure in starvation was that I have cut out most of my mindless snacking.  I've since gained and lost more weight.  I'm currently 5.5 pounds down from where I started, it's been 2 weeks since I tried the diet.  I would be down more weight if I didn't go a little crazy on the weekends.  I'm eating a lot less and I'm working out 5 - 6 times a week, alternating cardio and strength training. And yes, I'm measuring myself.  Not seeing a big difference yet but I'm hoping if I keep it up and stay consistent with it, I will soon.  I can always do the diet again.  Now that I know I can actually survive it, it isn't so bad.  That's what I tell myself anyway.  I'm sure my stomach disagrees.  It's like "Oh yeah, you want to form words, you better put some food in me or your going to be a babbling idiot again."

This post may be mildly amusing to some, it's not "bust your gut" funny, like I wish it was.  Want to read something hysterical that will have you in tears?  Of course you do.  I pulled a stomach muscle laughing so hard at this post by the Everywhereist.  http://www.everywhereist.com/i-went-paleo-and-now-i-hate-everything/  Probably won't be going Paleo anytime soon.  Do yourself a favor and don't read the comments. This is why we can't have nice things, folks. People who eat right apparently are so hungry they can't understand humor.  I'm not sure who AliceWonderland0 is but I think we could be great friends.  

So I didn't completely lose my will to live on the 3 day diet.  I learned something from it and I'm going to use what I learned to keep going.  And before anyone chimes in and tells me all the things I should be doing, save your breath.  I am Irish/German.  I won't listen anyway.  And I actually can't hear much over the rumbling of my stomach. 

Why try to fit in, when you were born to stand out. ~Dr. Suess

So, without going into the whole story, (which I am still debating with myself about doing) I recently came under an unprovoked verbal attack by messenger and text. In the midst of this, a supposed "adult" called me names.  Nerd.  Frog (not even sure what that was supposed to mean).  He told me, among other things, he would be embarrassed to be me.  I wanted to tell him he was the one that should be embarrassed and so many other things, but I said nothing, because I knew to reply would only have egged him on and I had no wish for the situation to escalate.  I mean, you can't reason with crazy and I now truly believe this person has some sort of psychological issues.  I don't really know this person but he seems to think he knows me.  Kind of scary really.

At first I was upset and angry and then, I started to laugh.  Nerd?  You call that an insult? Are you kidding?  I wear that like a badge of honor.  I've never really pretended to be anything I'm not.  I'm pretty much what you would call a WYSIWYG.  What You See Is What You Get.  The person people see on the outside is pretty much the same person I am in private.  It funny to me that people think being a nerd is an insult.  It amazes me that people still attack those that are different, WHEN WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT.  Let me say that again, we are all different and unique.  No two people are the same.  Some of us are just less concerned with fitting into what is considered the norm than others.

The group I hung out with in high school were the nerds and I would not have had it any other way. They were smart, funny, generous, loving people who accepted everyone for who they were.  Those outcasts, the nerds, the weirdos?  They would never call someone out for being different, instead they would celebrate that person's individuality.  The nerds and the dorks are some of the best people I know.  I'll be honest here, I was not always as confident as I am now, so back in the day, I didn't always like being a part of the nerd crowd.  But now, I'm glad that I was, it helped form me into who I am today.

People are shitty and some bullies never grow up.  But if anyone thinks that I am going to change who I am, they have another think coming.  If everyone out there was the same, what a boring world it would be.  I have also done my best to raise my daughter to be an individual and an independent thinker. (Sometimes, I've done too good a job at this and she uses that independent attitude against me.) To not care what anyone else thinks, to just be herself.  The right person will love you for who you are, not who you pretend to be.  I don't tell her anything I don't tell myself on a regular basis.

So I didn't give this person what they wanted, which was to hurt me by calling me names.  I am proud of being a nerd, a weirdo, being different.  I am who I am and I'm not going to change myself for anyone.  Hopefully, someday, I will find the right person who will appreciate me for who I am.  For now, I am content that I am me and I have lots of people in my life that love me anyway.

Nerd problems....

So I am about to go on a nerd rant.  I just thought it only fair to issue a warning.  Yes, I am a nerd.  I wear this badge with unabashed honor.  I guess today we are called "fan-girls" However, I feel I am too old and crotchety for this label.  But I was a "fan-girl" way before it was considered cool.  I collected comic books (still have them all), played Dungeons & Dragons, and watched Dr. Who back when he wore a 20 foot scarf  and carried a bag of jelly bellies in his pocket.

Anywho, what's got me on a tear lately is the most overused word of the moment, the dreaded "reboot".  The current buzz is about a reboot of Ghostbusters with an all female cast.  Ugh!  Who really thinks this is a good idea?!?!?  It's downright sacrilege!!   I mean if they want to make a comedy about four female ghost hunters, so be it.  Sounds like it could be good if done right.  But why, oh why must you try to re-make a classic movie?!   This has unmitigated disaster written all over it.  And let's keep it real, apparently there were a lot of sexist comments out on the interwebs about this.  Gender is not the issue here for me.  They could try to remake this movie with four dudes and you would still hear me squawking with dismay.  I like Melissa McCarthy and Kristen Wiig, but I don't think they will make this decent.  Let's stop and think for a minute, if you are basically going to have to re-write more than half the script to make it work, then why not just go on and write a whole new freaking movie!?!?  Seriously Hollywood, WHAT. THE.  HELL!?

Of course I didn't understand why they felt the need to "reboot" the Spiderman franchise about five seconds after the first three came out.  And do not even get me started on the remake of Footloose!  I still haven't seen it and I have no intention of ever seeing that movie.  Blake Shelton is not even talented enough to stand in the same ROOM as Kenny Loggins, let alone re-record a classic movie song!  And no Kevin Bacon?!  Fuggedaboutit!   There is only one Footloose and I watch it whenever I get the chance and it's still awesome.  You can't beat an intro like this:

Remember when they had writers in Hollywood that actually came up with original ideas?  I mean it's ridiculous.  People there is no Ghostbusters but the original Ghostbusters! Oh and the sequel which was pretty awesome too. I bet Harold Ramis is rolling over in his grave.  It's just sad.  Now the logo of a ghost with the red no symbol takes on a whole new meaning.  Just say no to reboots people. They suck.

A freaking year already!?

This blog is a journey that started on January 10th of 2014.  Well, to be honest, it started around my 11th year. That's when I remember making a clear decision anyway about what I wanted to do for a living, but it may have started even before then. Sometime while in elementary school, for a class project I wrote to an author of a book I liked. The teacher had us mail the letters to the author, care of the publisher. To my amazement, the author wrote back!  She was very nice.  I remember her book was about horses and horses took up most of the conversation.  It was then that I realized writers were real people, just like you and me!  It was quite the epiphany.  I've always had all these stories rambling around in my brain.  I wrote one down and let my mom read it.  I had only written about two chapters. I can still see her face as she looked up at me with pride and told me that she had to know what happened next and to keep writing.  It was an overwhelming feeling that I could reach others like that and bring them enjoyment. The same enjoyment I got from reading books.

Over the years I've put my writing on hold to live life. And life can suck the muse right out of you. I am also awful at outlining a story all the way through.  I see scenes in my head and I try to make them come to life on a page.  But to make a story that has a beginning, a middle and an end.  To bring conflict to the characters and create characters that the reader will care about?  Well it's a lot easier said than done.  Every writer I've ever talked to or read about says, you can't get into writing for the money. You have to get into it because you have a story that has to be told.  I have many, but getting them all out on paper before my inner critic can sweep in and tell me it's crap and it sounds just like every other story out there is unbelievably hard.  But I'm not ever giving up.  NOT EVER!

Thanks to the inspiration of a dear friend, whose simple faith in me that I will someday reach my goal, I started this blog.  (On a side note, that inspiration still gets me in the feels every time I think about it.) I started this blog in the hopes that it would get me writing more.  I think it has achieved that goal if nothing else.  It's also fun.  I am hoping this next year will be the year I write more, much more, that's my goal.  I hope to post more here and write more for me.

If you are reading this, thank you, thanks for taking the time out of your day to read my ramblings. To my friends and family, thanks for the love and support.  I couldn't do it without you!  Have a wonderful new years and be on the lookout for more from me in the new year!!