Saturday, June 6, 2015

Adventures in Starvation

Obviously not real starvation.  But it sure felt like it to this food addict. Close enough to make me hope I don't ever have to experience actual starvation.  The worst part was it was all self-inflicted.  I've always been against fad diets.  I know they don't work, or if they do you just end up gaining the weight back after you stop the diet.  Hence the whole "it's a lifestyle change" crap, blah, blah, blah.  When you're 44 and close to 50 pounds overweight and nothing you've tried seems to work, you get a little desperate.  Some of you may be thinking, only 50 pounds, that's not that bad and it's not.  I'm blessed to be about 5'9" so I can carry off a little extra weight without looking that overweight.  I see it in the mirror, but others don't seem to, or maybe they just love me.  The issue is that I already suffer from high blood pressure and Diabetes runs in my family so....I need to do something.  I like to blame my child for stealing my metabolism.  I had it great until I turned 30 and had a child at the same time.  Not that I regret it one bit mind you, I just wish she'd give some of it back. Do you know what it's like to live with someone who can eat whatever they want and have zero percent body fat?  Meanwhile I look at food and gain weight.

The problem?  I love food.  I mean LOVE food.  I think I've mentioned before, if I could marry food, I would.  I don't eat "that" bad, but I think it's probably the quantity that I eat.  It's so very hard for me to leave amazing food behind on my plate.  I don't drink sodas but my other love is beer.  I love beer.  And not watered down light beer, I've been trying different craft beers and they are yummy.  And their made from hops - hops = barley - barley = grain.  Hence, beer is grain and grain is good for you.  Okay not really but it's so darn good!  My other problem.  I want to enjoy my life.  I don't want to be miserable because I'm depriving myself and starving myself.  That's not how I want to live.  That's what my taste buds say anyway.

I knew I needed to try something different to jump start my system.   So I tried the Military Diet or 3 Day Diet. It claims you can lose up to 10 pounds in 3 days.  Okay, that's completely unhealthy weight loss and I know that. So I was realistic going in.  The idea is you eat only the suggested items for 3 days and then go back to eating "normal" for the other 4.  I know me, if I go back to eating normal for the other 4 days, I'm going to completely gain back any weight I lost in the first 3.  Hell, I can gain it back in one day of binge eating and drinking. I'm allergic to bananas so I was glad this site provided alternatives to many of the foods.  So I chose apricots instead.  I'm also not a big ice-cream person so I went with yogurt instead.  The first day wasn't so bad, I went with iced tea and Splenda because I cannot drink black coffee.  We all laughed at work about my sad little breakfast and lunch, I laughed to keep from crying.  About half way thru the second day I realized I'd already cheated. I missed the part where you are supposed to have caffeine only the FIRST day.  Are you freaking kidding me!??! You want me to go without food AND alcohol AND CAFFEINE?! Hell no! That is so not happening.  I will be EVIL.  I will be Satan incarnate reigning terror down on everyone in my path!  So, I still had iced tea every day in the morning, and then switched to water.  I always only have one coffee and then switch to water so this wasn't hard for me.  By the end of the 2nd day, I was down 2.5 pounds and feeling pretty good.  I do have to add, I do exercise pretty regularly and both cardio and strength training. So yeah, the fact I can't lose any weight is pretty frustrating.

By the 3rd day I was pretty out of it.  I had no idea restricting my caloric intake so drastically would affect my ability to form words.  I would lose my train of thought and just not get it back. I was practically incoherent at times.  I forgot my one slice of cheese that was supposed to be part of my lunch and almost had a full-fledged meltdown. My co-worker shared her weight watcher's cheese stick with me and I practically wept with gratitude.  Never been so happy to nibble on a small piece of low fat cheese in my life. I was as happy as a bird with a french fry.  I kept telling myself, it's the last day, just hang in there!!! Don't give up. You can do this!  That last night I was so hungry, I went a little bit crazy.  Mind you, I'm drinking water like a fish.  But it simply was not staving off the hunger.  FEED ME SEYMOUR! FEED ME!!!!!!!!!  My stomach was sending frantic signals to my brain.  911, I'm losing it down here.  What the hell is going on, get some food down here stat!  I finally broke down and got some apple slices and a hard boiled egg.  If I was going to cheat I wasn't going to blow it completely.  My stomach was appeased for the moment and I was able to make it to the next day.

So, I weighed in the day after the 3rd day and low and behold, I had lost 5 pounds! I was pretty happy, no lie.  Now, to just keep it off and keep going.  My brain told my stomach to chill the hell out and get used to eating less.  Something I learned in those 3 days is that I eat way more than I think I do.  I was almost constantly shoveling food in my mouth.  I would make excuses like,  "Oh its just something small or it's healthy so that makes it okay."  But it was all adding up.  Or I would eat really good most of the day and then come home and eat my entire kitchen for dinner.

So one good thing to come from my adventure in starvation was that I have cut out most of my mindless snacking.  I've since gained and lost more weight.  I'm currently 5.5 pounds down from where I started, it's been 2 weeks since I tried the diet.  I would be down more weight if I didn't go a little crazy on the weekends.  I'm eating a lot less and I'm working out 5 - 6 times a week, alternating cardio and strength training. And yes, I'm measuring myself.  Not seeing a big difference yet but I'm hoping if I keep it up and stay consistent with it, I will soon.  I can always do the diet again.  Now that I know I can actually survive it, it isn't so bad.  That's what I tell myself anyway.  I'm sure my stomach disagrees.  It's like "Oh yeah, you want to form words, you better put some food in me or your going to be a babbling idiot again."

This post may be mildly amusing to some, it's not "bust your gut" funny, like I wish it was.  Want to read something hysterical that will have you in tears?  Of course you do.  I pulled a stomach muscle laughing so hard at this post by the Everywhereist.  Probably won't be going Paleo anytime soon.  Do yourself a favor and don't read the comments. This is why we can't have nice things, folks. People who eat right apparently are so hungry they can't understand humor.  I'm not sure who AliceWonderland0 is but I think we could be great friends.  

So I didn't completely lose my will to live on the 3 day diet.  I learned something from it and I'm going to use what I learned to keep going.  And before anyone chimes in and tells me all the things I should be doing, save your breath.  I am Irish/German.  I won't listen anyway.  And I actually can't hear much over the rumbling of my stomach. 

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